Aspirational Clutter: How to Finally Let Go of Unused Items Without the Guilt (and Lighten Your Mental Load) #215

Sometimes the hardest clutter to let go of is not the thing itself.

It is the version of ourselves we hoped it would help us become.

The yoga mat for the daily practice we imagined. The craft supplies for the creative afternoons we thought we would have. The kitchen gadget, the unread books, the course, the clothes, the resources, the hobby equipment, all waiting for a future life that may not actually fit who we are today.

And that can feel surprisingly emotional.

Because aspirational clutter is often tied to hope, good intentions, identity, and the pressure to become a better, calmer, more organized version of ourselves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What aspirational clutter is and why it can feel so difficult to declutter
• Why we often hold onto items for an imagined future version of ourselves
• How things like craft supplies, fitness equipment, books, kitchen gadgets, courses, and clothes can become identity clutter
• Why keeping something does not bring back the money you spent on it
• How aspirational clutter can contribute to clutter stress, emotional overwhelm, mental overload, and the feeling that you are constantly falling short 
• The difference between genuinely wanting to do something and liking the idea of being someone who does it
• Two simple decluttering questions that can provide instant clarity when you are struggling with decluttering guilt 
• Why motherhood, neurodivergence, self-improvement goals, and changing interests can all create their own unique forms of family clutter and personal clutter 
• How letting go of unused items can allow someone else to benefit from them

If you have shelves, drawers, boxes, or cupboards filled with things for a future version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to look at them with honesty and compassion.

Because life changes. Priorities shift. And sometimes the things we once hoped for no longer fit the season of life we are in now.

Here’s to making space for who you are today,

Caroline

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Transcript

Hi there! I'm Caroline Thor, professional organizer, KonMari consultant, teacher, and mum of three. I started off my life as a mum feeling overwhelmed, disorganized, and desperately trying to carve out some time for me amongst the nappies, chaos, and clutter. One day, one small book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying changed everything, and I began to learn strategies for making everyday life easier. Today, I have the systems in place that mean life can throw almost anything at me, and I want to share them with you. If you're an overwhelmed mum struggling to keep it together, then this is the podcast for you. Grab a coffee and settle in for a quick chat with someone who gets your reality.

Hello and welcome to this latest episode of Living Clutter-Free Forever. I was triggered into the idea for this podcast episode because of the fact we had to clear our cellar out, and it made me suddenly realize that even though I thought I had decluttered the majority of things I didn't need, I had held on to some things because they spark joy for me. And I realized that these items are what are being termed by a lot of people in the media at the moment as "aspirational clutter."

This is anything we keep because we hope or plan or intend or expect to become something else other than we are today. So let me give you some examples if that makes no sense to you. Maybe we bought all the yoga equipment because we aspire to be being someone who does yoga every day. Or we bought craft supplies for a certain type of craft because we aspire to being someone that does that sort of craft. Or maybe we've got the expensive kitchen gadget because we aspire to being able to make sushi from scratch or pasta from scratch or whatever it happens to be. And the list just goes on. It might be language-learning materials or an awful lot of unread books on a certain topic, or clothes for a future body that we are hoping is going to miraculously appear one day. Or a business course that you never started, or homeschooling resources, or the perfect entertaining dishes. But it actually is not about the object; it is about the identity attached to the object, and that is what I want to talk about today.

Now, I did a bit of research online about this, and a survey conducted by StorageCafé found that Americans spend approximately - are you ready for this? This blows my mind - 180 billion dollars each year on items they never use. So that works out at roughly 1,300 dollars' worth of unused possessions sitting in the average home. And it's not that we were buying things, it's not just that; we're actually, when we buy them, we're buying possibilities: the possibility we're going to be someone that does yoga, or the possibility that we're someone that crafts in a certain way. That, in a way, sort of represents hope. And that's why this stuff is hard to let go of because when we let go of aspirational clutter, it can feel like we're letting go of a dream.

So, for example, if you've got a guitar, that means that one day you're going to learn to play the guitar. Or if you've got a brand new pair of running shoes, that means that one day you're planning on getting fit. Or the art supplies might mean that one day I'll have more time. The object becomes really symbolic because it's representing something that we hope will be different. And so the object becomes symbolic, and that is why decluttering feels emotional with these things. And it represents - that item represents who we think we should be.

I really think for me this was particularly relevant when I was a mum of young kids. I wanted to be the mum who baked from scratch. I wanted to be the organized mum, the crafty mum, the mum who volunteers for everything. And sometimes we're holding on to expectations rather than belongings. I bought so many craft supplies during that time, a lot of which just sat never used. Or I have so many baking tins in different shapes and sizes and forms because I was going to make all these amazing cakes, and they never happened.

So, we then start to feel guilty, or I certainly have, because you've spent money on it. But the money is already gone. Keeping the item does not bring the money back. Now, it is costing. It's costing space and energy and mental load. And I say so often that women who describe their homes as cluttered tend to have higher levels of cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone. And this comes from research from a UCLA Center on Everyday Lives and Families research, and I love this study because it really references the fact and highlights the fact that clutter is not just visual; it affects how we feel.

So, how do you identify if the clutter in your home is aspirational clutter? You can ask yourself, "Am I keeping this for the life I have now?" So, is it something I use? "Or is it for the life I imagine I'll have some day?" So, do I actually enjoy crafting? Do I actually enjoy baking? Do I actually want to learn Italian? Or do I simply like the idea of being someone who does those things? There is a huge difference. And it may also be you have been through a season of life where you were going to do that actual thing, but if you're honest, that time has passed; that ship has sailed.

So, the questions I absolutely love to ask in these situations, and I use this a lot when I'm working with clients, is instead of asking, "Could I use this one day?" ask yourself, "If I didn't already own this, would I buy it again today?" Or, "If I was moving house, could I really be bothered to pack this up and take it with me?" Those two questions often create instant clarity.

And I am someone who has kept hold of an awful lot of materials for sewing. I've got a sewing machine, I've got boxes of material, I've got all the threads, I've got the books with all the ideas and patterns in. And this was from a time when my third child was really little. I got really into sewing, and it was a new hobby, I've never done it before, and I absolutely loved it. And I used to go to sewing lessons once a week. And then, that sort of season, that phase passed. And I've been hanging on to these things because I am hoping that one day I am going to get back to it. I aspire to be being someone who sews. And I have it on my wish list for this year. That is one thing that I do, and I have promised myself that if, come the end of the year, I don't get round to it, I am going to hold on to the sewing machine because I think it's a really handy thing to have, and I do use it for mending things occasionally, but I am going to let go of the vast quantity of material that I have, fabrics that I have, because I would love for someone else to be using them, and they are not just sitting in boxes in my house never getting used. So, watch this space. Will I get round to doing sewing this year? Time will tell.

If you are a mum of a neurodivergent kid, this aspirational clutter can start to be a real problem because out of - I don't want to say desperation, although it is partly, it was certainly for me - you end up buying a lot of things in the hope it's going to be the thing that makes the difference: the educational resources, the sensory toys, the therapy materials, the activity kits, the behavior books, the organizing systems that promise to fix everything. And you buy all these things from a place of love, but it's okay if they are no longer serving your family to let them go. And I did that recently with a lot of books that I bought on autism at the time that one of our kids got an autism diagnosis. I recently sold them because I thought, "Okay, I haven't read some of these. I'm really not going to now because I do understand what's going on with them and how I can best support them, and I would love for someone else to have this resource."

So, what is the real transformation here? The goal is not becoming the perfect version of yourself. The goal is creating a home that supports the version of yourself that exists today. That is enough. A home full of items for imaginary future versions of ourselves can honestly make us feel like we're constantly failing. "Oh, this week's gone again, and I still haven't got round to doing any yoga, going out for a run, doing the crafting," whatever it happens to be. A home that's built around our actual lives that we're living now feels so, so much lighter.

So, you are not throwing away a dream if you let these things go. What you're actually doing is making room for the dreams that still matter. And sometimes, when you let go of one possibility, it creates space for another. And I don't just mean in your home; I also mean in your mind. So, this week, choose one small area - a shelf, a drawer, a box - and ask yourself, "Which items here belong to the person I am today, and which belong to a version of me that never really existed?" You may be surprised how much lighter you feel. Until next time.

If you have enjoyed this episode, please send the link to a friend you know would appreciate it. Subscribe and leave a review. I look forward to bringing you more organizing tips next time. But if you can't wait until then, you can go to my website or find me on Instagram at caro.thor or on Facebook at Caroline Organizer. Thanks for listening, and I look forward to guiding you on your journey to find your clutter-free ever after.