Living Clutter Free Forever - decluttering tips,home organizing, minimalist living

Decluttering and Trauma – Why Letting Go Feels Impossible (and How It Can Help You Heal) #156

• Caroline Thor - Professional Organizer - KonMari® Consultant

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You’ve tried to declutter before.
You know what to do.
But the moment you start... you freeze.

Sound familiar?

You’re not lazy. You’re not messy.
You’re protecting yourself.

In this episode, I’m digging into why clutter can feel impossible to let go of — especially if you’ve experienced trauma.

Because it’s not just about mess.
It’s about memory.
It’s about survival.

What if your clutter was never the real problem?
And what if tidying could actually help you feel safe again — not just organized?

I’ll walk you through the real, emotional blocks behind clutter and why so many people feel stuck in their organizing journey.
You’ll learn how the KonMari Method can support deep healing — gently, intentionally, and at your pace.

This episode is packed with insight, compassion, and fresh declutter strategies that go far beyond the surface.
If home organization has ever left you in tears or feeling like a failure, this is your sign to listen.

Because this isn’t about perfection.
It’s about peace.

Ready to see your home — and your healing — in a whole new way?

Tune in now.

I would LOVE to hear from you. Text Message me here.

Thanks for listening! For more organizational motivation, support and free resources:
Join my online membership Clutter Free Collective
Join my podcast Facebook group Living Clutter Free Forever Podcast: KonMari® Inspired Organizing | Facebook
Visit my website www.caroline-thor.com
Come and say 'hi' on Instagram @caro.thor
Follow me on Facebook @carolineorganizer

Speaker 1:

Hi there, I'm Caroline Thor, professional organiser, konmari consultant, teacher and mum of three. I started off my life as a mum feeling overwhelmed, disorganised and desperately trying to carve out some time for me amongst the nappies, chaos and clutter. One day, one small book called the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying changed everything and I began to learn strategies for making everyday life easier. Today, I have the systems in place that means life can throw almost anything at me, and I want to share them with you. If you're an overwhelmed mum struggling to keep it together, then this is the podcast for you. Grab a coffee and settle in for a quick chat with someone who gets your reality. Hello and welcome back to the latest episode of the Living Clutter-Free Forever podcast.

Speaker 1:

I'm Caroline and if you've listened before, you will know I'm a mum to three kids, one of whom who has autism and ADHD and another who has ADHD, and we are a crazy busy household. We have two cats, two rabbits, two dogs and when you listen to this, we will have actually made it over to the UK in the car with all five human beings and the two dogs in the boot space, as we call it I think in America you call it the trunk, and it means that, for the first time ever, we're traveling with absolutely no room for luggage. So we've got a roof box on and I have managed to get the family to put their clothes into vacuum bags and we've sucked the air out of them and that's all we've been able to take with us. So it's been interesting. And that's a bit of an aside, because we're here to talk about our homes today, and if you've ever looked around your home and felt completely overwhelmed, frozen on the spot or even ashamed, then this episode is for you.

Speaker 1:

I would like to really get to the nitty-gritty of the fact that clutter isn't just a stuff issue. It can be deeply connected to past experiences, in some cases, trauma, and how safe we feel. So in this episode, I would like to talk about something that isn't talked about enough, and that is the connection between trauma and clutter. Now, when I say trauma, I don't just mean huge life-altering events, although those count, of course but trauma can also come from perhaps growing up in chaos or being emotionally neglected, moving house a lot. Maybe you've got parents who switched jobs a lot when you were younger and maybe even switched countries, and so you were moving around a lot. Maybe that made you feel never truly safe or seen, or perhaps you were just constantly being in survival mode.

Speaker 1:

Now Dr Gabor Marti puts it perfectly, and I heard him talking about this recently on the Mel Robbins podcast, and what he said was trauma is not what happens to, but what happens inside you. As a result of what happens to you and for so many of us, especially women, there's been this quiet sense of overwhelm or emotional weight we have just had to carry. Now here's what's really interesting, and I actually do think it's really quite freeing to know this Trauma literally changes how your brain works, so it can over-activate your fear response and it can actually weaken the parts of your brain that help you make decisions, so things like planning ahead and also regulating your emotions. So if you've ever and I've had this stood in front of a pile of stuff and felt frozen, panicked, like you just want to walk away and pretend it's not there, that is not laziness, that is your nervous system trying to protect you, and clutter can actually feel like safety. I've seen it so many times when I've been in people's homes and I felt it too.

Speaker 1:

Keeping things just in case might be about scarcity from childhood. Holding on to sentimental items might be the only way you feel connected to something that once brought you love or comfort. I'm going to give you an example here. I once worked with a woman who had held onto a completely broken chair for years. It had belonged to her dad, who had passed away suddenly, and every time she looked at it it gave her this sense of connection. But every time she looked at it it gave her this sense of connection, but every time she thought about letting it go she literally felt sick. Now, that's not about the chair, that's grief, that's memory, that is actually emotion that hasn't been processed yet. And I see this so often when I am working with clients. That clutter can be the physical expression of all the emotions that we haven't had the time, space or support to process.

Speaker 1:

And it's really interesting because research shows that up to 60% of people who struggle with hoarding or chronic disorganization have experienced trauma, and it's also closely linked to things like ADHD and executive dysfunction. So if you find it hard to plan, if you find it hard to follow through, if you find it hard to make decisions, it's very likely it's not actually your fault. It's wiring, and I think it's so important to understand this, and it's the message I really, really want you to take away from this episode today. If you're overwhelmed by clutter and you've been through hard things, that's not a coincidence. There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, the way your body and brain are responding is incredibly clever. They've helped you to survive and now, now you get to move on at your own pace towards healing, you shouldn't be feeling any shame. You should actually be feeling compassion for yourself. So let's move on to think about why letting go can feel so threatening.

Speaker 1:

As I mentioned previously, items are almost like symbols. As I mentioned previously, items are almost like symbols. They give us an identity, they potentially make us feel secure or they give us a connection to something or somebody from our past. Of that item can feel like erasing part of your story, almost, or and I've seen this as well letting it go feels like you're going to lose control, and there is so much emotional attachment to belongings that it is no wonder that very often it's really really hard to let go and it feels painful and it does make us feel sick sometimes, the thought of not having that thing anymore.

Speaker 1:

But the healing power of letting go is huge and I've been so privileged to witness this in so many of my clients as well that the decluttering actually becomes part of the healing. By letting go of the item, it's like saying, yeah, I'm making a choice, I'm living here, I'm living now and that was in the past and I'm going to make a choice to move on. And it gives you emotional clarity. I've had people say they feel so much lighter and every time you make a decision to let something go, you are advocating for yourself. So you're not just clearing your space, you're actually and I think this is really beautiful you're actually rewriting your story and I have, as I said, seen this with so many clients and I really believe that the KonMari method can help support healing, because the KonMari method is joy-led, not shame-led, and you are showing a respect for your items and your story in that you thank your items, you give gratitude as you let them go.

Speaker 1:

That is a mindful transition and it's empowering because it puts you in the driver's seat, it puts you in control of your life again, and that is what a lot of people who have suffered trauma. It allows you to take back control of the situation and that is so, so powerful. So here are some small, doable suggestions of things that you could do to help you with letting go of items if you know that there is some trauma related to them. So start with one item and ask yourself is this helping me feel safe or is it actually keeping me stuck? That's one thing. You, if you have decided to let something go, choose that thing that you want to release, thank it and almost say like a mantra like I'm safe to let go now.

Speaker 1:

And it's important to remember that healing has no deadline. It is hard, but by doing hard things we are able to make so so much more progress and gain a better understanding of ourselves. You don't have to do this on your own. There are lots of organizations out there that can support you. You can listen to other episodes of this podcast that would be able to support you in your journey as well.

Speaker 1:

But I think it's really important to remember you are not broken if you struggle to let things go and you stand there feeling frozen and panicked by it. You are a person with a story, but your space, the space that you're living in now, gets to reflect where you're going, not where you have been, and I think, when we look at it like that, that the items we choose that spark joy for us now, today, in the life we have now, they are reflecting where we're going, not where we've been, and if we can hold on to that, I know that given time, you can learn to let things go Until next time. If you've enjoyed this episode, please send the link to a friend you know would appreciate it, subscribe and leave a review. I look forward to bringing you more organising tips next time, but if you can't wait until then, you can go to my website or find me on Instagram, at carothor, or on Facebook at Caroline Organiser. Thanks for listening and I look forward to guiding you on your journey to find your clutter-free ever after.