How to help your autistic child let go of clutter without stress or resistance Autism-Friendly Home Organization Strategies for Overwhelmed Parents Part 4 #151

Autism-Friendly Home Organization Strategies for Overwhelmed Parents – World Autism Acceptance Month 2025

Decluttering is hard for so many kids — but for autistic children, it can feel downright impossible. That’s because what looks like “just stuff” to us often holds comfort, predictability, and emotional meaning for them.

In this episode, we’re tackling the reality of helping your autistic child let go of toys, clothes, and school items without triggering meltdowns, power struggles, or distress.

I’ll walk you through how to approach decluttering with empathy, structure, and practical tools that empower your child — not overwhelm them. Whether your child finds it hard to part with broken toys or outgrown clothing, or you’re simply feeling stuck, this is a gentle, realistic guide to making it work.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why letting go is so emotionally difficult for many autistic children
• How to use “thank you” boxes and keep boxes to reduce stress
• Tips for decluttering broken or outgrown items without overwhelm
• How to give your child control and choice when tidying their room
• The power of celebrating small wins and knowing when to stop for the day
• What to do with sentimental items that are too hard to let go of

Plus, I’ll share how I’ve used these strategies with my own children, including my son with autism and PDA, and why creating a safe, supportive bedroom environment is far more important than perfection.

Key takeaway: Decluttering isn’t about taking things away — it’s about making space for what matters. And when we make space with care and empathy, our kids feel more safe, more regulated, and more connected to their space.

Mentioned in this episode:
🎁 Grab your free guide: 15 Minute Declutter Reset for Moms of Neurodivergent Kids – A simple, actionable way to get organized without the overwhelm, even when you have no time.

Tomorrow, we’ll shift focus to getting the whole family involved in keeping the house tidy — so it’s not all on your shoulders.

Thanks for listening! For more organizational motivation, support and free resources:
Join my online membership Clutter Free Collective
Join my podcast Facebook group Living Clutter Free Forever Podcast: KonMari® Inspired Organizing | Facebook
Visit my website www.caroline-thor.com
Come and say 'hi' on Instagram @caro.thor
Follow me on Facebook @carolineorganizer

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Autism-Friendly Organization
• 1:04 Why Decluttering Is Emotionally Hard
• 2:37 The Thank You Box Strategy
• 4:38 Making Decluttering Visual and Manageable
• 6:31 Working Together With Your Child
• 8:37 Final Thoughts and Free Resource

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Autism Friendly Home Organization Strategies for Overwhelmed Parents a special mini -series with me, caroline, for World Autism Acceptance Month in 2025. This year's theme for World Autism Month is Celebrate Differences, and I could not love that more. I'm a mum of a child with autism and PDA, so I know firsthand how unpredictable life can feel. Flexibility isn't just helpful in my world, it's essential, and while our home is far from perfect, having it organized in a way that supports us has made all the difference. I created this series to share practical, realistic strategies that help you create a calm, clutter-free environment, one that works for your child, your needs and your energy. Even if you're not raising an autistic child, these tips can help any family, because building a home that supports your real life and celebrates what makes you unique benefits everyone. Let's get into it. Welcome back to day four of this mini series. And I don't know about you, but where is this week going? I can't believe that we're on Thursday already if you're listening in real time, and today we're getting to the nitty gritty of decluttering toys, clothes, school items, all those sort of things, without the battles.

Speaker 1: 1:26

So many autistic kids form a really deep attachment to objects. A lot of kids do, regardless of whether they have autism or not. A lot of adults do, and this makes decluttering with them super hard. So today, talking about how to declutter without stress or power struggles. So why does decluttering feel emotionally hard for autistic kids? For a lot of our kids, objects are providing them with some sort of security. It gives them predictability, it gives them memories, and so when we start to declutter and we say we're going to let these things go for them, it feels like a real loss and that can lead to distress or resistance. And that is why if you ask any child who is very young and very often then people and kids with autism if they can let something go, their answer will always be no. Or if you say, do you still need this? Yes, do you love it? Yes. So it's really really hard to do decluttering. So what can you do to make decluttering easier? And these tips are things that are great for anybody, not just people with autism.

Speaker 1: 2:44

So start with low stake items. Start with something that is an absolute no-brainer for them, an item of clothing that they weren't particularly fussed about in the first place and it no longer fits them as simple as that. And practice with those sorts of items letting go. And what I like to do with kids, especially and especially kids with autism, is to have a box in their room that's got thank you written on it, really big. I got this idea from another organizer who was on my podcast once and I absolutely loved it and I've taken it on board and it works brilliantly. So a box that says thank you and anything that you find that you can persuade the child or the child is happy to let go of it goes into the thank you box. So, as far as they're concerned, we're not doing like a donate or sell or whatever. It's just to start with a thank you. We're going to put all these things together in thank you and we'll decide later what to do with them.

Speaker 1: 3:52

So start, as I said, with clothes that no longer fit, that they weren't particularly fussed about. Then you can try clothes that no longer fit that perhaps they did enjoy wearing. You know, know how they always, in every phase of childhood or every size that they're at, they've got that favorite t-shirt that they wear every day. If possible, you have to sort of prise it off them in their sleep to wash it, that sort of thing. My child actually sleeps in his clothes, so it makes it especially difficult but those sorts of items that they've absolutely loved wearing. Then to have the chat with them about well, look, you've grown, this doesn't fit you any longer. It's perhaps time to let it go. How do you feel about that? And have a discussion with them about it, once you've perhaps had a look at clothes. Then look at toys that are broken. See if they can identify toys that are completely broken, that no longer serve a purpose, or board games where there are pieces missing, or card games where there are cards missing. So these things actually don't make any sense to keep any longer.

Speaker 1: 4:58

And try with those as well, and again put them in the thank you box. Don't just put them in the trash. Put them in the things actually don't make any sense to keep any longer. And try with those as well, and again they put them in the thank you box. Don't just put them in the trash. Put them in the thank you box so that they can see that we're showing gratitude for these items that we have loved playing with or we've loved wearing. What you can then do is move things to boxes like donate or sell. You can also have a keep box so that if they are worried about you secretly getting rid of things, make it very transparent and say, okay, this is the thank you box, but this is the keep box.

Speaker 1: 5:38

If you find things that are really important to you, they go into the keep box so that you're very sure that they're not accidentally going to get donated or sold, and that reduces the pressure. Try to make it visual. You can show before photos of the space and after photos so that you can highlight the progress for them and that for them is sometimes really motivating and involve them in the decisions. Would you rather keep this car or this car? Would you rather keep this Lego set or this Lego set? Rather than them having to just make a decision about what to keep, then it's really much easier. If there's sort of one or the other, then they probably will say both as well, just to be awkward. But sometimes it works well to do it like that and the KonMari method which I use we're not actually deciding what to let go, we are only deciding what we want to keep. So actually going through your kid's room and saying, right, what item in here do you absolutely love? What is your absolute most favorite thing in your room and get them to talk to you about it. What is it they love about it, so that they can see why they want to keep some things and then it will be easier to let other things go.

Speaker 1: 7:03

You've got to help these kids feel in control. Give them choices. Let them decide, once the decluttering's happened, where they are going to store things, and make it easy for them as well. Don't like separate all the Lego out by color. I mean there are very few kids who are going to have the patience although perhaps some of our autistic kids are the ones that would do to actually find it fun to tidy up by putting everything away by color. A lot of kids would rather just put all the Legos into one bin. So give them choices. Let them help decide about storage solutions. And the most important thing you can do is celebrate progress, praise every small win and really like, even if they've only spent five minutes with you thinking about what they love, then celebrate wow, that was five minutes that we've spent on this. This is really great. Look, you've managed to make a decision on two items. That's fantastic.

Speaker 1: 8:10

Let's carry on another time and be really aware all the time about how your child is feeling. If you have got a day where your child is feeling clearly very dysregulated, it is not a good day to start suggesting that they declutter their bedroom with you and this is the other thing with you. Don't expect them, whatever age they are, to do it on their own. If they have got a particularly messy bedroom, then they are really going to need your support because it's going to feel very overwhelming. You know how we, as mums, sometimes open the door and we're just like, oh my god, I'm so overwhelmed and close the door again. Imagine if you suddenly ask your child to tidy that up. They're feeling overwhelmed too. So work with them. Perhaps one day just focus on tidying up and decluttering clothes. Another day, just focus on decluttering and tidying up books.

Speaker 1: 9:08

You can go through the KonMari method in order in a kid's bedroom which is clothes, books, papers that's going to be for them, perhaps schoolwork or artwork and craft stuff. After that, miscellaneous, which is going to be their hobbies, craft things, all their toys and then finally, sentimental items. So if they have got items that they're feeling really sentimental about right from the get-go, like the t-shirt that doesn't fit them anymore but they can't bear to get rid of it, have a box for sentimental items and have those kept separately and then explain to your child. We're not making any decisions about these at the moment because we get stuck trying to make decisions about sentimental stuff and then we can go through these at the end when we've done everything in your room and if you decide you want to keep all your sentimental items, fine. But maybe by then you will be a bit more practiced at knowing what you really love and what you've got space for in your room and you can then make some decisions later.

Speaker 1: 10:07

So decluttering isn't about taking things away. This is my closing takeaway for you. It's about making space for what matters, and what matters for our kids is the things they really love. If they have a rock collection that takes up three shelves and they absolutely love it, fine. Perhaps they can declutter it a little bit by getting rid of rocks that aren't that important to them. But we shouldn't be removing things from their spaces that are really special to them, because it's going to really dysregulate them and we want them to feel safe in their spaces and we want them to feel happy. If you know, you would love to get some areas of your home a little bit more organized, but you really struggle to find the time to do it. Then go to the show notes and grab a copy of my free 15-minute declutter reset for moms of neurodivergent kids. I've created it with mums like us in mind and I know you will find it super valuable. So tomorrow, getting the whole family on board, I can't wait to have you join me. Until next time.