Living Clutter Free Forever - decluttering tips,home organizing, minimalist living

Letting go of clutter and perfectionism - How the Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory can help to transform how you think about home organization #144

• Caroline Thor - Professional Organizer - KonMari® Consultant

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Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos at home?
Let me, Caroline Thor, guide you through an eye-opening journey toward a clutter-free, peaceful living space by embracing a powerful mindset shift—Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory. Imagine releasing the weight of social pressures and perfectionism to create a home that truly feels like yours.

In this episode of the Living Clutter-Free Forever podcast, we’ll explore how the Let Them and Let Me mindsets can transform the way you approach home organization, helping you cultivate emotional peace and a space that reflects your true needs and values.

What you'll learn in this episode:

✔️ Understanding the Let Them Theory as a mindset shift
✔️ How societal pressures shape our view of home organization
✔️ The connection between emotional peace and decluttering
✔️ Defining your personal vision of comfort at home
✔️ Taking ownership of your space through the Let Me mindset
✔️ Practical steps to simplify your home environment
✔️ Coexisting with family members’ habits without frustration
✔️ Overcoming guilt around decluttering and perfectionism
✔️ A fresh perspective on living clutter-free that works for you
✔️ Encouragement to take action and embrace growth

By shifting your mindset, you can finally let go of external expectations and create a space that brings you joy and clarity. Tune in for practical organizing tips, inspiring insights, and real-life strategies to help you reclaim control over your home and emotional well-being.

I would LOVE to hear from you. Text Message me here.

Thanks for listening! For more organizational motivation, support and free resources:
Join my online membership Clutter Free Collective
Join my podcast Facebook group Living Clutter Free Forever Podcast: KonMari® Inspired Organizing | Facebook
Visit my website www.caroline-thor.com
Come and say 'hi' on Instagram @caro.thor
Follow me on Facebook @carolineorganizer

Speaker 1:

Hi there, I'm Caroline Thor, professional organiser, konmari consultant, teacher and mum of three. I started off my life as a mum feeling overwhelmed, disorganised and desperately trying to carve out some time for me amongst the nappies, chaos and clutter. One day, one small book called the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying changed everything and I began to learn strategies for making everyday life easier. Today, I have the systems in place that means life can throw almost anything at me, and I want to share them with you. If you're an overwhelmed mum struggling to keep it together, then this is the podcast for you. Grab a coffee and settle in for a quick chat with someone who gets your reality. Hello and welcome back to the living clutter-free forever podcast. If you've not listened before, I'm caroline. I'm a konmari consultant and professional organizer and mom to three kids. And if you have listened before, welcome back and thank you for opting to spend your time with me again. I really, really appreciate it. Before we get started, if you listen to this podcast and you listen on somewhere like Apple where you can leave a review or leave five stars, then please, please, do that, because when you do that, it helps the algorithm push this podcast out so that more people find it. I would be eternally grateful if you could do that, or share this episode with a friend if you think they would enjoy it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, have you ever felt judged about your home? I bet you have. Or have you been frustrated that your family doesn't help keep things tidy? I know you have. Or maybe you're holding on to things out of guilt because someone gifted them to you and it's really hard to then let them go. Because someone gifted them to you and it's really hard to then let them go. Today we're going to explore a mindset shift that might just change the way you approach decluttering and organizing forever.

Speaker 1:

Now, I have never done this before. I have never done almost like a book review in a podcast episode. So a few weeks ago now I got the audio version of the Let them Theory by Mel Robbins, and I'm always listening to audiobooks as I drive around in the car, taking the kids to school or picking them up from things or driving to do the shopping. It has never happened that I have been finding reasons to drive people places because I want to have time to continue listening to the book. That is how good this book was the Let them Theory and basically what it's about is letting go of control over others. So let them think what they want, let them behave how they choose. Stop wasting energy trying to control things outside of you. And as I was listening to this, I just kept having these aha moments of like oh my god, this is just like when you're trying to declutter and organize.

Speaker 1:

So Mel Robbins says when you let them be who they are, you gain control over your emotional peace. And that's sort of the main crux of this theory that she's writing about. But then there's another part. There's the let me mindset, and this is just as important. So let me means, instead of focusing on what others are doing or not doing, shift to let me take ownership of my space and choices. Stop waiting for external validation and start making your homework for you. And she says the only thing you can control is what you say, how you feel and what you do next.

Speaker 1:

So today, in this episode, we're going to be applying these principles to decluttering, organizing and making your home work for you, without guilt, without stress and without frustration. How amazing does that sound? And without frustration how amazing does that sound? So let's start off talking about let them and social pressure. We're going to let go of perfectionism. Society puts huge pressure on us to have picture perfect homes. Instagram, pinterest all of these online platforms are making us feel like our homes aren't good enough. It's like the Pinterest worthy, minimalist magazine style homes are the only right way to do your home.

Speaker 1:

And another thing that we're feeling and this is something that I used to feel intensely is this guilt when their home isn't always tidy. I used to really feel guilty when my home wasn't always completely tidy. I used to drive myself crazy tidying up all the time, and at that time I didn't have the systems in place to help me, and it was just like this never-ending hamster wheel of tidying, and you may also be holding onto things just because of external expectations. Now, if we apply the let them theory to this, let them think what they want about your home. It doesn't need to meet anyone's expectations but yours. And Mel says stop trying to control the people around you. When you let them be who they are, you gain control over your own emotional peace.

Speaker 1:

Now I have had this with my mother-in-law, where she has come to the house and, probably unwittingly, has made me feel like my home isn't clean enough, and it used to really, really bother me. I used to spend hours cleaning before she came, like practically a whole week cleaning before she came, and then I still didn't feel that it was good enough. And at some point I managed to make a mindset shift of hang on a minute, this is my house, let her think what she wants. It is actually irrelevant. We're fine here, we're happy, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Speaker 1:

So instead of decluttering and tidying to impress others, define your own vision for your home, and one good way of doing this is with a journal prompt what kind of home feels good to me? And if you actually think about that, then you will reach a point where maybe your home doesn't look like page out of a magazine, but you feel comfortable in it and it's not overwhelming you and it's not stressing you out anymore. Maybe there are still kids toys lying around on the floor Great, that means your kids are playing. Maybe the kitchen is untidy at times Great. That perhaps means you're cooking healthy meals, what feels good for you. And then set a decluttering and organizing goal based on your needs, not on external pressure. What do you actually want? So let's move on now to thinking about the let me part and taking ownership, creating the space that you want. Once you release the fear of what others think, what do you actually want? So you've already started to think about this in your vision.

Speaker 1:

You don't need permission to make your home work for you. Let me create a home that feels good for me, not for other people's opinions, and Mel Robbins says you can't control how you feel, but you can always choose how you act. So when I say create a home that feels good for me, what does that mean? You have to make the organization work for you. You don't have to have perfectly enabled bins. You don't have to decant all your pasta and cereals into jars. You don't have to follow extreme minimalism. You need to find a way that works for you. You don't need to use a method that doesn't fit your personality.

Speaker 1:

There are lots of people in my online membership, plutter Free Connective, who are using the KonMari method as the basis for what they're doing, but they're not following it to the letter, and, I'll be honest, I don't always follow it to the letter either, because it doesn't always work for me in the way that I want it to. So I take the bits that work for me and make me feel great about my home and the people in my membership are doing that as well and what you could do as a practical step is ask yourself what's one thing I can simplify in my home today and just start with that and see how you get on with it. Take ownership, create the space that you want. Now the next thing I want to talk about is something that is actually really hard to do, and this is the let them part. When it comes to family members letting go of trying to control that, we've all been there Kids leaving things everywhere. Your partner doesn't see the mess. Family keeps gifting you stuff you don't want. Let them. Let them have their own tidying habits. As long as shared spaces have structure, as long as shared spaces have structure, it will still work for you.

Speaker 1:

So, for example, you've got a partner who never puts their shoes away. Could you maybe create a drop zone near the door where they can put their shoes? Maybe they're not put away, but they're in one place each time, and that is a good compromise. Maybe your kids don't want to fold clothes. Could you use bins instead of drawers, so they just drop t-shirts into a bin, they drop their underwear into a bin, and then they can just look through the bin and find it.

Speaker 1:

Mel says, when you let them do whatever it is they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you, and I know that sounds totally crazy, but the next thing I'm going to talk about will help you understand it. So what you could do as a practical step for this part, let them and family members is identify one household struggle and, instead of nagging, change your response. Try and find a solution, or try not saying anything, or try not saying anything. Try not let it wind you up and remember that you can't control other people. The only thing you can control is your actions. So that moves on to let me and leading by example, so controlling what you can. You do not have to wait for your family to get on board. Why don't you get on and be the one to create systems that work? Why don't you set the example instead of trying to force everybody to change? It works as like a ripple effect, and this is something that we're always working on in Cluster Free, collective, and with huge success.

Speaker 1:

I always say to my members and I actually have been saying this since the beginning of the membership, even before I read this book. So this is why I was so excited to read it, because it totally echoes my mindset on this. If you have someone in your home who is not on board and it's really stressing you out, try to just let them do their thing and you do your thing. And as you get more organized, you get less stuff, you get calmer, they will start to see the benefits and they will start to get on board, and it happens in nearly every instance of families I work with that partners and kids end up really improving the amount that they're involved in decluttering and organizing in the home. It's never going to necessarily be as good as you would like it to be, but huge improvements to the point that you can go yeah, this is for me, this is good enough.

Speaker 1:

That is all I need is for my husband to say, what can I help you with in the house while you're not here this morning, for your kids to say, mum, does the dishwasher need emptying? Or for you to say, could someone come and help me empty the dishwasher? And someone automatically says, yes, that is the point we need to get to, and the way you get what you want is to focus on what you can control. This is what Mel Robbins says. Listen to this again. The way to get what you want is to focus on what you can control your thoughts, thoughts, actions and habits. So, instead of waiting for the family to help, what systems work best for you? How can you make tidying easier? What boundaries can you set without guilt? So one practical step here would be to set up a small daily tidying habit that benefits you even if no one else does it. You can invite people to join you if they would like to, but you do it anyway and you will feel the benefits of it and it will help you feel calmer and more in control.

Speaker 1:

And then really, the final part of this that really relates to the Let them Theory book is let me and letting go of guilt. You do not have to be perfect. Some days life is busy, the house will get messy, you live in it, that is okay. Let me give myself permission to rest instead of feeling guilty. How many times do we think, no, I can't sit down and read now, or I can't sit down and watch TV now because the kitchen needs tidying up? We don't ever rest, we feel guilty and we need to give ourselves permission to do that and then finally stop holding onto items out of guilt. We're all really bad at this. I'm lucky that I've worked through it and I can now let go with a good conscience. Mel says you don't owe anybody perfection. Just be real, be kind and do your best. So perhaps your practical step for this part of the episode could be to release one item you've been keeping out of guilt. So the let them theory is about freeing yourself from other than expectations, and the let them theory is about owning what you can control.

Speaker 1:

I would love for you to read this book because I think it will make such a difference to your life. Try this mindset for a week and share with me. You can come over to Instagram and share with me, or you can share with me. If you look in the show notes, there is a place where you can contact me. Please. Please leave your name and an email address as well, otherwise I can't reply to you. I'm afraid from that. But if you come over to Instagram at carothor, there you can message me and I will be able to get back to you. And if you keep following this podcast, you will get more decluttering strategies that actually work for your life. So I hope that has been helpful. I hope it makes sense. I am so, so excited about this book because I think it is just going to make such a huge difference to so many lives.

Speaker 1:

So go out and get it, listen to it. If you don't have time to sit and read, you'll be finding yourself wanting to go out for walks or do extra cleaning. So you have time to listen to it or buy a copy so that you can highlight things that are important the Let them Theory by Mel Robbins. And if you know of a book that you think would be really useful for everybody, let me know. I'm always wanting ideas. Okay, until next time. If you've enjoyed this episode, please send the link to a friend you know would appreciate it, subscribe and leave a review. I look forward to bringing you more organizing tips next time, but if you can't wait until then, you can go to my website or find me on instagram, at carothor, or on facebook at caroline organizer. Thanks for listening andi look forward to guiding you on your journey to find your clutter free ever after.