Ready for a fresh start? How to create a home that supports your wellbeing with Michele Akester-Marsh #104

Ever found yourself drowning in the disarray of motherhood, where every corner of your home seems to be bursting at the seams with clutter? I, Caroline Thor, was once there too, until I stumbled upon the art of mindfulness and organization. Join me and my special guest, the compassionate holistic self-care coach Michele Akester-Marsh, as we weave through the transformative journey from chaos to clarity. In this  conversation, we not only share our personal experiences but also offer up actionable tips for you to navigate the often-overlooked pressures of perfectionism and create a serene sanctuary for your family.

As moms, we're no strangers to the daily dance between to-do lists and the spontaneous whims of our children. This episode peels back the curtain on how embracing the present moment can fill our days with joy, rather than the stress of unchecked boxes. Michele and I reflect on the magic that unfolds when we align our actions with intention, letting go of rigid schedules in favour of a rhythm that resonates with our family's heartbeat. We uncover the subtle, yet profound, influence of mindfulness on our home's atmosphere, and how simple practices can ripple into a collective family effort for peace and order.

Rounding off, we take a candid look at the trap of perfectionism and how redefining our relationship with imperfection can unlock a life of fulfillment.  If you're yearning for tranquility amidst the whirlwind of parenting and dreaming of a lifestyle that embraces nature's beauty, this conversation holds the compass to guide you there. Let's walk this path together, finding freedom in the perfectly imperfect journey of life.

Links mentioned by Michele, The Unshakeable Mama™
Mindfulness & Manifestation Coach for optimistic, frazzled Working Mums

www.micheleakester-marsh.com
www.instagram.com/michele.akestermarsh
www.facebook.com/michele.akestermarsh 
www.youtube.com/@michele.akestermarsh

Thanks for listening! For more organizational motivation, support and free resources:
Join my online membership Clutter Free Collective
Join my podcast Facebook group Living Clutter Free Forever Podcast: KonMari® Inspired Organizing | Facebook
Visit my website www.caroline-thor.com
Come and say 'hi' on Instagram @caro.thor
Follow me on Facebook @carolineorganizer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi there, I'm Caroline Thor, professional organiser, konmari consultant, teacher and mum of three. I started off my life as a mum feeling overwhelmed, disorganised and desperately trying to carve out some time for me amongst the nappies, chaos and clutter. One day, one small book called the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying changed everything and I began to learn strategies for making everyday life easier. Today I have the systems in place that means life can throw almost anything at me, and I want to share them with you. If you're an overwhelmed mum struggling to keep it together, then this is the podcast for you. Grab a coffee and settle in for a quick chat with someone who gets your reality. Hi and welcome back to the Living Clutter-Free Forever podcast. It is great to have you here.

Speaker 1: 0:56

It is the Whitsun holiday here in Germany, so I have got all the kids at home. It's been a bit chaotic. Two of them have flown off to England to stay with my best friend and have now come back again, and, as I'm recording this, another one has gone off to Amsterdam with a friend for a few days. We're getting to that age where things are starting to get interesting, and I've been so excited to start receiving messages through the podcast. If you don't know about this. You can do it using the link in the show notes that says I would love to hear from you. Text message me here, please. Please leave your name in your message so that I can give you a shout out, but I want to acknowledge this message from someone in California, and this was following my episode 102 on decision fatigue.

Speaker 1: 1:44

This is what they wrote. Thank you for the awesome tips. What stuck is if the item will enhance my life. I will remember this and remember when to step away. Thank you for the motivation. I'm so pleased to hear it resonated with whoever wrote that. Thank you for taking the time to write. I so so appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 2:05

If you are struggling with motivation for your decluttering and organizing, I would love to welcome you in my online membership class of free collective. We are all about offering you the support you need to get started, or get unstuck and start making some progress. It is so much more fun when you have an amazing community supporting you and cheering you on. You can find all the information to join us at caroline-thorcom. Forward slash clutter as always, the link is in the show notes. And talking of motivation and inspiration, today's episode is also going to be full of it. It has been a long time since I had a guest on the podcast, but today I'm talking to Michelle A Kester-Marsh. She's a mum of two boys, wife and a holistic self-care coach with 20 years experience in holistic therapies, meditation, mindfulness and life coaching. This episode is packed full of great takeaways. Coaching this episode is packed full of great takeaways, so let's get started. Hi, michelle, and welcome.

Speaker 2: 3:10

Hi Caroline, Thanks for having me on the show.

Speaker 1: 3:12

You're very welcome. It's good to have you here Now. We have connected through a group online which we both belong to, the Highter Society. Let's give a plug for the Highter Society because it's so amazing. I absolutely love it and it's been fascinating sort of connecting with you there and seeing the sorts of things you post about and talk about, and it became very apparent that we are really aligned in our thinking and we both have a similar audience, which is why I really really wanted to have you on the podcast today. So can you take me back to when the business you currently have started? How did it come about? Why were you inspired to start it?

Speaker 2: 3:57

Well, my background is holistic therapies anyway. So I've spent 20 years as a massage therapist holistic therapist and I got to the point where I wanted to help mums empower themselves, feel empowered to live their best lives, to actually take, take control. Really well, I say take control, but the reality is it's actually a surrender. But the language is we talk about taking control and I was finding that my massage clients were very much about oh, I'll just wait for Michelle to fix myself, to get a quick fix, you know. But it didn't last. So it was great for business, like they kept having me back on and on, you know, time after time. But I wanted them to have the tools to be able to feel empowered to, through mindfulness, mindset, work, self massage, all of the holistic things, to actually be able to live life in a way that feels really good to them, that they, you know, they don't need to rely on other people.

Speaker 1: 5:04

I love that and I'm always talking as well on this podcast and with all my online communities about the fact. The KonMari method starts with visualizing your ideal lifestyle and, from there, creating a space that supports that. So you're talking about mindfulness and that is so much a part of that. People can say part of my ideal lifestyle is having mindfulness as a part of that. So how can mindfulness help busy women manage stress and find more peace?

Speaker 2: 5:36

Well, there's two sides of my work, really. The first thing is that mindfulness will actually help you live in the moment and it helps you feel calm and it helps you live with intention. So I hear so often about, oh, I don't feel like a present mum, for example, and I used to be that mum who was always saying to my kids oh, in a minute, wait a moment, I'll do it later, I'll help you later. And it got to the point where I really didn't want to be that mum anymore. So by practicing mindfulness, I'm a lot more aware of how I'm feeling at any point in my day and, based on my awareness, I can actually then respond to. So, for example, if I'm rushing around doing the washing or tidying up or something, and my son comes over and says, oh, mom, come look at this, or um, can you help me with this, or can I have a hug, or, you know, tries to give me a hug um, rather than feeling rushed, or I, I actually will put the washing down and I'll give them a really big embrace, or I'll have a look at what they want me to look at and then go about my day, um, so it's very much about feeling in control, feeling um, feeling present, feeling like you're winning in life.

Speaker 2: 6:56

The more you practice it is a commitment with mindfulness the more you practice, the calmer you feel, the more it soothes your nervous system. Um, so that's sort of like the, the foundations of it. You build new habits. Essentially, you can you start to become aware of your thoughts so you can, um, if you're feeling completely crazed in a day, say you're rushing through, rushing um to get to work after the school, run, um, and you're getting stuck in traffic, oh no, why? Why is the traffic so bad this morning? Why am I getting stuck at every, every traffic? Like, well, you have no control over that whatsoever in your life. There's so much in life we don't have any control over, but the one thing that we do have control over as busy mums is how we respond to any situation, any person, anything that's going on, basically, um, so okay, well, I can't. I can't control this traffic, so let's just enjoy the ride to work after dropping the kids at school. I've got this pocket of time now, this window of time. I'm all by myself. That's quite rare. How can I actually find the gratitude in this? How can I, you know you're finding the good things in it. So that's my bonus. But then the other side to this I said there's like two parts to this, to my work is the manifestation side. So I really believe with all my heart that the calmer you are and the more soothed your nervous system is.

Speaker 2: 8:25

So we tend to live in a state of fight flight as society. Like we all do it, mums or not, like we're taught from a young age that we have to rush, that time is against us, that time is running out and actually you know, time is a man-made concept. At the end of the day, time doesn't really exist. If you think about it very you know, at a very high level, and manifestation is basically just a way to make what you want come to reality. However, when you have a calm, soothed nervous system, you're much more able to do that, to actually manifest those dreams, because instead of being on the go all the time, instead of living in that state of overwhelm and stress and fight flight, you're actually eliminating the worries, the negative habits that you might have.

Speaker 2: 9:19

You're reframing a lot of your thoughts and the way you live your life.

Speaker 2: 9:20

You're living a lot of your thoughts and the way you live your life.

Speaker 2: 9:22

You're living a lot more intentionally, you create that headspace and that calm in your whole body and you're aligning mind, body, soul so you actually can start to see new possibilities, new opportunities, and you start to trust the process that you will actually achieve those things that you want to do and I mean my husband are doing this over and over again like and it doesn't have to be groundbreaking either, it could be just manifesting I don't know that my husband comes on the school run from time to time, or it could be, um, getting the bedroom decorated or, you know, the garden returfed, or um, or it could be the big things like upheaving and moving to another country, or that kind of thing. So, yeah, yeah, so it's the calming, soothing your nervous system, and then the manifesting, which is done through the mindset and through mindfulness, mindset and manifestation practices that I teach through through my work which is I do specifically work with mums, um, working mums who are optimistic that there's more for them in life, but they're just not quite sure how to get there.

Speaker 2: 10:32

yeah, but also they're feeling really frazzled and overwhelmed with life and feeling like they're just constantly on that hamster wheel and, yeah, which is how I felt sort of six, seven, eight years ago.

Speaker 1: 10:42

So yeah, and this is this is where I was as well before I found the KonMari method. I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed. And you're talking about habits. It's. The KonMari method actually forced me almost to create habits that meant that our home was in a way that was supporting me and our family, which allowed me to be calmer, which regulated my nervous system. I love what you're saying about the nervous system. I'm actually currently doing a 12-week online course about a specific type of autism, that is, a nervous system disorder which my son has, and we're learning all about sort of bringing the nervous system down.

Speaker 1: 11:27

He will respond to everything in fight flight. His whole day is fight flight and we are working really hard at reducing the amount of stress on his nervous system and it's having a huge benefit for us as the adults in the house as well. Because you were talking about being more present and we had a funny thing this weekend where Friday evening, we'd said to him you know, if you like, we can watch a film with you, and it got to Friday evening and it was an Eminem film and the pressure was. He was just feeling the pressure of I have to do this, because it's now Friday evening and he's like no, no, can't watch it this evening. And then he got up at eight o'clock on Saturday morning and my husband and I had planned the shopping and the cleaning and like chores and in Germany, where we live, nothing's open on a Sunday. So either you get it all done on Saturday or you've had it, and eight o'clock in the morning he's like right, should we watch the film now? And we were like okay.

Speaker 1: 12:31

So at eight o'clock in the morning we sat on the sofa with our breakfast and we spent 90 minutes watching Eminem in a film and and I would like normally I wouldn't watch a film at eight o'clock in the morning but it worked for him, it worked for his nervous system and actually it stopped us in the moment as well, which was a a great thing. We ended up having a really lovely day because everyone had sort of come calm down and done something fun together and connected at the start of the day, and I think we are really bad at not taking those opportunities when they come, like you said about putting the washing down and giving them a hug or looking at what it is they want to show you down and giving them a hug or looking at what it is they want to show you. Those moments are fleeting and with kids especially, if you don't follow up in that moment, the moment's passed. When you go to them later and say can I have a look now, they'll say no, it's not now.

Speaker 2: 13:16

I wanted to show you before and it's gone, and that's so sad it is sad, and you know they, they're young for so we were saying this before they um, um, before we started recording with me that the kids are so young, they grow up so fast and um, and oh, I love, I love that you, you watched a film at eight o'clock in the morning. That's really great. It's those, it is those micro moments it is. It's it's about living life in flow and about not actually getting stressed about you know what you, what you haven't done yet, because I mean, I, I guess you might be the same.

Speaker 2: 13:53

I used to have the longest to-do list ever. I still do. However, if I don't get it all done, it's not the end of the world, whereas a few years ago it was the end of the world and I would beat myself up. The expectations on myself were just horrendous, but as a result, that made me feel like I was failing all the time. I wasn't doing mumhood properly.

Speaker 2: 14:14

I was, um, a PA as well, part-time, plus my therapy business part-time, so I was working full-time, but just in two different areas of work, um, I wasn't doing either of them properly.

Speaker 2: 14:25

I wasn't. You know, I didn't feel like I was being a good enough wife. I wasn't there for my friends as much as I'd like to be, and, yeah, so, when we can really sue their own nervous systems as mums and you've just highlighted but it's coming from your son out to you but somebody, when somebody starts to sue their nervous system, it creates this incredible ripple effect throughout the family and I, I'm, for me, take, I've taken responsibility for that, as you know, as somebody who believes in it, and I've seen the incredible changes in my children, in my husband, even, like he used to be like, oh, I'm just along on the ride, for you know, you're just dragging me along on this kind of holistic woo-woo kind of life, because he's very scientific, but the thing is it works really well. He keeps me grounded and I, I kind of, you know, show him what might be possible, you know.

Speaker 1: 15:20

I love that and I'm talking all the time as well it with what I do about the ripple effect and I call it the ripple effect as well.

Speaker 1: 15:27

Anyone that's listening that's in my online stuff will go oh yeah, she's always going on about that and I see that too. When when the person that signed up for my program or my membership starts to be intentional about decluttering and organizing, but in a way, that's sort of calm, like if it doesn't get done, it doesn't matter, we'll just try and do 10 minutes each day. We're not trying to change the world. It has this ripple effect on the rest of the family. They become calmer because they've taken the pressure off themselves and there are so many instances of women, especially in my membership, where husbands are now totally on board and and helping out and they've created projects together, like doing the garage together or doing certain rooms in the home together, and I just think that's so beautiful that it becomes something that the family can work on together, which is amazing yeah, it becomes a collective, a collective sort of project and and you know you say it doesn't change the world, but the reality is it does.

Speaker 2: 16:30

It does actually change the world and I really believe that with all my soul.

Speaker 2: 16:35

Um, that just those micro moments, you know those the 10 minutes here and there in my work, I advocate two minutes of mindfulness and mindset work throughout the day.

Speaker 2: 16:46

So, like, like, maybe maximum 10-15 minutes a day. That's what my program is based on, like um two, two to five minute mindfulness practices that you can actually listen to and do as you go about your day as well. So, while you're waiting for the kettle to boil, while you're, while you're driving, you could be practicing one of the movements which is just mindful movement, which is just like rolling your shoulders, for example. You just, it's just being very aware of, like, your body and how your mind, body and soul connects. Um, but when we live with intention, like this, when we create those pockets of time you need, like you said, 10 minutes here and there and it creates that ripple effect and it starts to snowball, the benefits start to snowball and before you know it, you know you've got happier children, happier family, and then they go out into the community at school. They're touching people's lives because they've got a strong mindset and it does change the world.

Speaker 1: 17:46

I really believe it yeah, you're totally right you're not immediately, but no yeah, the ripple, the ripples keep spreading outside of the home and and further. I love that. I just want to go back to something you said a minute ago about manifestation. I am a firm believer in manifestation. Can you just explain to people what it is and then perhaps you could tell us, because you had a massive manifestation thing which was about moving? Am I right in thinking that was something you manifested?

Speaker 2: 18:23

I believe so yeah yes, yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:25

So perhaps if you could explain what manifestation is for anyone that isn't 100% clear, and then perhaps could you just share your story about your move, because I think that it's really inspiring yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:37

So, um, manifestation effectively is, as I mentioned earlier, it's bringing things you want to reality. It's making things happen. Um, and I think it's got quite um, quite a spiritual woo connotation that you just sit there and meditate all day long. But this isn't true. The truth is, you meditate and you practice mindfulness and you practice calm, soothed nervous system as a tool to get you there. So that is it In essence. It is bringing your dreams to reality, and the way you do it is deciding that you want something. So in my work, I help help my, my ladies decide what they actually want in their lives, what you want to prioritize, because I'm a very firm believer that you have to decide what you want and it has to be a priority. So all these people who I don't know, they say, oh, one day, you know, one day I'm gonna do this, one day I'm gonna do that. Well, okay, I'll give you an example. I went on a solo mum holiday.

Speaker 2: 19:46

I saw the pictures this was yeah, it's incredible to just visit a friend. Um I decided, I set the intention at the end of last year that at some point this year I was going to go to see my friend. Um I, um I sort of had in my head, maybe July. Um, of course, insane now.

Speaker 1: 20:06

Um you were going to tell us how did you make?

Speaker 2: 20:10

how did you make that happen? How on earth did you manage to escape for 10, 11 days on your own? As a mum, I said well, I decided I wanted it and I made it happen, like I was going come hell or high water. I didn't know when. I went, a lot sooner than I was expecting, yeah, um. So I said my. My question to them is well, where would you go and when are you going? And then, if you want it enough, you will make it happen. If you don't want enough, then it's not meant to be anyway.

Speaker 2: 20:39

So it's very much about getting clear on what you want in life. So, yeah, so it's just a case of calming your nervousness. It is practicing those mindfulness techniques. It's about living life with intention. It's about making sure that you aren't getting caught up in the drama of life, which we do with um. Again, that help with mindfulness helps because it helps you stay calm and present in, in the now. Yeah, there's a, there's um. You may have even read that book. You know the power of now. Um, yeah, well, um, you know, if you're thinking about the past, you're living in the present and if you're thinking about the future, it's still happening in the present. So the only time that matters is actually now. So you know, the past is done and the future hasn't happened yet. So now is the only time, and so, if you want it, go and do it. So, um, yeah, so my manifestation apart from the holiday, see, I'm constantly manifesting.

Speaker 2: 21:49

Yes, um, my husband and I, we had a dream to move to Scotland. So we had a lovely house down in Dorset, right down in the south of England. We'd renovated it over seven years to. We lived there for eight years but renovated it over seven of those years as our forever home. We did it up to a lovely specification, but we just had this niggle, this dream that we wanted to have land, wanted to own land, we wanted to plant trees or have a woodland to manage. Um, these are the things that are important to us, like being in nature, fresh air, um, big scenery, beautiful and sunrises and sunsets, that kind of thing. Um, and we came on several holidays to Scotland. Oh, my gosh, it's just, it's just been a dream come true and we'd started looking at houses, but not really too seriously, and we were just keeping an eye on the market. We didn't know if it would ever happen.

Speaker 2: 22:50

Sometimes you need a bit of a kick up the bottom to do things. Well, my husband got very sick five years ago, so that was a bit of a wake-up call. So we're like well, actually, is it better to have tried and it not have worked, because there's always that. But what if it doesn't work out? What if we? Um, or is it better to have done it and tried and like, wake up in your deathbed which I know sounds really morbid, but the fact is it, that is the only certainty in life? Yeah, I totally agree. When you look at life in that way, then it changes your whole concept of perspective of life.

Speaker 2: 23:27

Um, so, yeah, so last May it was actually just last May um, I was meditating and I was focusing on my vision for the future. I had this vision of me standing. I'd had this vision for a long time, actually, but I had this vision of me standing at my back door with a cup of coffee, looking out over beautiful mountains and green fields or whatever, and so in this meditation, I did the same meditation for a week and every time I was guided to put our house on the market, that that was my next action step that we had to take in order to move our lives forward in the way that the universe plans has planned for us. So we did and literally within, we put our house on the market. On the 6th of July last year, 8th of September we were in our new house.

Speaker 2: 24:17

Amazing, I love it quickly and that's what I mean about time. Time doesn't really exist, like we think that it takes a long time to sell a house, buy a house, whatever, but sometimes you know things happen a lot faster if they're meant to be and it's yeah, it's basically been a whole launch pad for me, like in a different way of working, like my business has diversified since and my husband's working from home. Now my boys catch the bus to school, so we don't have to do school, right, and it's just changed life in so many ways that, well, it's incredible, yeah it's just so, so lovely.

Speaker 1: 24:57

I love that and I I love you saying as well get clear on what you want in life, because I think so many people actually aren't. And this is where, when people are working with me and we're visualizing your ideal lifestyle, we're not talking about visualize your ideal home, which everyone's always surprised about. It's like what you know what is an ideal home? Who knows um? But you know how do you want to live, what do you want to have time for, like you were saying, standing at the back door with your coffee, looking out. If that's something that you visualize in your ideal lifestyle, then you need to make it happen. Yeah, because, as you say, life is too short not to have your ideal lifestyle. And I think a lot of people get hung up on the, especially women get hung up on the fact well, yeah, I would love to do that, but the kids, my husband work. I don't have time. If we take the simple thing of people saying I'm going to get fit or I'm going to lose weight and then I'll start on Monday, and then Monday comes and it doesn't happen, and the next week goes by and it still doesn't happen. And I always say to people that if it was that important, you would do it. It can't be that important to you, it can't be one of your priorities, otherwise you would do it.

Speaker 1: 26:14

And for me, I'm very bad as everyone that listens to this podcast knows at sort of organizing myself. I have to really work at it, and one thing that has, in my head, been a priority and I've visualized it in my ideal lifestyle is me actually getting fitter. But I know that I need the accountability. So in January I booked myself a personal trainer who comes to the house once a week, because that is going to make it happen. I wasn't prepared to let it drift on for another year and me still not have do anything about it.

Speaker 1: 26:46

So I think you have to grab the bull by the horns and say, right, what is the next step? And I love that. You said that my next step was putting the house on the market, and this is what I'm always saying to people as well. What is your next step in order to have your kitchen in a way that you want it to have, or that you have a space to do yoga every day, or you have a small corner where you can sit, and it's so, so important, but people don't do this. Visualizing this manifestation, which actually means that these things will eventually happen.

Speaker 2: 27:27

Yeah, and you have to work towards. It is all about taking action. So it is again. First of all, actually, I would just like to say I want to celebrate you for your, your, your, um, you know, setting your intention and getting a personal training. That's amazing. I'm very much about celebrating each other and for lifting each other and not dragging each other down, which I think is, yeah, a historic kind of thing that we, um have got into our culture. But, um, yeah, it it is. It is very much about those intentional, aligned action steps and if you don't prioritize, then you're yeah, it's not, it's, it's never going to happen.

Speaker 2: 28:13

You have to decide, you want it and it doesn't have to be groundbreaking again, it's, it can be those small things. So, okay, so you don't have the space to have a whole room for yoga studio in your house. Yeah, yeah. So you, you set that, you set the stage like, okay, well, I'm just going to roll out my yoga mat next to my bed every morning. This is how I started real story.

Speaker 2: 28:38

I decided that I would just literally roll out of bed and fall at my yoga mat in the mornings, or I did. Do you know what? I didn't actually use a yoga mat for a long time. I just used to do some stretches on the next to my bed. That was that. Um, and then you just you're like, okay, well, this is working and I'm actually getting some good yoga time here.

Speaker 2: 28:59

Like I would shut my bedroom door in the morning and my boys this is the boundaries. It's about setting boundaries as well. Yeah, to achieve what you want. So if my bedroom door was shut in the morning and my boys walked past, they knew that they could either come in and join in with me, they could come in and watch quietly or they could just walk on by, and that is the boundary I set. It was a physical boundary to start with, with the door shut, but as time goes on, you know I do yoga now with my door open. I advocate doing self-care, well-being, mindfulness mindset in front of my children, because it then teaches them the importance of being able to rest, relax, regulate.

Speaker 2: 29:45

You know their emotions, self-soothe, you know just all of the stuff. You know manage their own stress and everything.

Speaker 1: 29:53

Yeah, and and I I love that you was. I keep saying I love this time, but I I'm loving so much what you say. Um, it's really great that you were saying you know about, you know, rolling out of bed and doing that you're, you're stretching and stuff on the floor, on the space next to your bed. It might be that your goal is just to make sure that the floor is always clear so that you can do that. That's your first step have that bit of floor always clear so that there's nothing getting in the way of your stretching, your yoga practice, whatever it is you want to do. And once you get that sorted, you can move on to your next little goal. That's it, and it gradually all adds up.

Speaker 1: 30:33

Let's just talk a little bit about these hidden stresses. So we've got all these hidden stresses in our life, like the school run, like having to get the kids to a place on time, the clutter in our homes, our overly busy schedule, these full calendars. They all impact, in my opinion, our ability to stay mindful and focused on what it is we want to do, and we should all be aiming to live lives that are full of things we want to do and love to do so what can we do about it, in your opinion?

Speaker 2: 31:07

Well, I think, as humans, we're natural procrastinators. Oh yes, very easy to put things off. I'm guilty, I'm very guilty as well. And so I believe that the mindfulness actually creates that headspace to be able to tackle those things that you've been putting off. I'll give you a. Well, I can give you a couple of very real examples.

Speaker 2: 31:33

Really, like, for years and years, I was putting off creating a pension, um, setting up a pension account. I'm just not interested in that side of pensions, life insurance, any, any of that. Um, and eventually, like after practicing mindfulness, I was like you know what, I'm in a good headspace, I just got to get this done now. Um and it's. You know, paperwork and stuff on the side is just a hidden stress, in my opinion. Like I would pile up the paperwork, um, so it really is.

Speaker 2: 32:08

Just it's practicing when you live mindfully. You've got that, say, the dishwasher to empty. So you empty the dishwasher and you're like, oh well, this plate's nice and shiny, or this plate's still a bit bit wet, or this plate's really warm as you put them in the cupboard. So you're getting really present, you're practicing, getting really present and intentional and being very aware of what's happening in your now, um, and so this is kind of one thing that I learned to to do.

Speaker 2: 32:38

It sounds really boring and really mundane, but it's it's mindfulness. At the end of the day it's rawest form. Like we, we have to empty dishwashers or do washing up, we have to do school runs, like there's no getting around it and there will always be challenges in life. You know we can't avoid the challenges, so it's very much about being able to keep that even keel.

Speaker 2: 33:03

So, yeah, get practicing being in the now and practice new small habits. So, for example, I managed to start feeling less stressed because I would make sure that I sat with my boys every morning for breakfast and realized that actually that was really important to me, that I wasn't rushing around in the morning, that I sat a breakfast and then I built on that. So then, like a week later, I started having a cup of peppermint tea in the morning and then you can actually start to see when, when you're feeling calmer and you're looking after yourself, you're kind of building on these habits, you start to feel a lot more in control and you suddenly have the headspace for tackling the things that used to really wind you up, that you've been like setting up a pension, like emptying boxes that have been full since moving after six months, like I did yesterday oh, six months is nothing.

Speaker 1: 33:59

I work with people and they're going to be there for years, michelle, so you're doing really well that's really good.

Speaker 2: 34:07

So, yeah, the more, the more you soothe your nervous system, the more you're able then to cope with the things that drive you crazy. It would normally drive you crazy and, and also in my experience and in my client's experience as well I've had a lot of my ladies shouting about this, like we've had calmer school mornings. Because the thing is, you're, you're feeling calmer as a mum, you're not feeling so stressed and you're not barking orders at your kids like get your shoes on, go and clean your teeth, go and get you know in the mornings, and it's just a little bit more free flow. The kids actually feel a bit more empowered because you're not telling them to do everything like every step of the way, and I found, and my clients find, that the kids actually like to be able to go and get their shoes on and go and get their scooters out without being told yeah, every morning. So it just naturally kind of eliminates that level of stress yeah, it's really relinquishing the control that we as women feel.

Speaker 1: 35:15

I think we have to be directing everyone and telling them or it's all going to fall apart. But actually when we step back and relinquish that control a bit, people start doing things for themselves and it just helps you because you've got more time to do things than you have before, because you're not having to go around reminding everyone or making sure so and so's got this and all the rest of it yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 35:40

And I remember when, when our youngest was a baby, there was a weekend, a specific time that just sticks out in my head, when I was about to reach into the back of the car and grab his car seat out and my husband said, michelle, stop, I'm here, make use of me. And yeah, really, I was like, oh my goodness, yeah. So I actually started playing with that. I was like, okay, he wants to get more involved. And over the years he's just got more and more and more involved because I've released that control, I've actually surrendered. You know, at the very beginning I said it's not actually about being in control, it's actually about surrendering yeah.

Speaker 2: 36:25

I think it has to be controlled. So I mean this this is how I ended up being able to go to Mauritius. Yeah, because I mean I guess I was terrified of going. I was, I was very anxious about going, about leaving my boys and going abroad on my own and that whole oh my gosh, what if you know something happens? So what if I can't get back? What if they get sick? What if the cat dies?

Speaker 2: 36:48

You know that kind of catastrophes in my head, but I was like I know that they're really capable. They are, they are really capable. My husband is really capable and if you, if you're not in the fortunate position where you've got a husband, then a partner, a friend, mum, you know your parents and the kids, grandparents, whatever there will be somebody who you can rely on to help you remove some of that hidden stress as well. Um, at the end of the day, people thrive in community, um, and it's about trying to reconnect. I mean, I say that and I've just literally moved 600 miles, whatever, away from my family, but we're building new community here and we still obviously still have that community down there too. So, yeah, um, yeah it's. It's very much about realizing that you know other people are more than capable as well and you don't have to do everything, and that's a. That is a massive mindset shift, but it takes time and it's one of those things you have to keep chipping away with, keep playing with and keep pushing the boundaries of what's actually possible.

Speaker 1: 37:55

It's really funny. You use the example of the pension because just before Covid hit I'd got to that point where I was like I need to get this pension stuff sorted out and I phoned the local pension office and I made an appointment. Because I have the problem that in Germany love German bureaucracy they send you a wad of A4 sheets to fill out and I didn't understand anything and even my husband was confused and he's German. So I thought, well, I'll make an appointment, I'll go to the office and ask for their help filling these forms out. And then I got a phone call to say my appointment was cancelled because of COVID. I'll have to rebook at some point when offices are open again, and I haven't.

Speaker 1: 38:36

And it's been niggling. These things play in your subconscious, even if you don't realise it. There is this like uneasy in the pit of your stomach thing of that thing is not dealt with. And when you can do that thing and have it organized, then that's something that's no longer there in your subconscious. It frees up space for you to be thinking about other, worrying about other things, but your dreams yes exactly.

Speaker 1: 39:06

Exactly, but I always do this in January with my online community, that we meet online for an hour with my online community, that we meet online for an hour and we literally brain dump onto a piece of paper anything and everything we can think of that we should be doing, we could be doing, we would love to be doing like your trip to Mauritius and then putting them into columns of things like this is to do with the family, this is to do with work, this is to do with my desires and hopes and dreams. And then how can we start to make these things happen? What is my first step in order to make this thing happen? And for me, with the pension thing, four years ago it was on my list.

Speaker 1: 39:48

Four years ago, my first step was find the number of the pension office, because until you've done that, you can't do anything. And then the next step is, once you've got that phone and make the call and make an appointment, and then the next step is go to the appointment and fill the form, and then you've got to break it down into these little manageable tasks. And another thing that I had four years ago on my list was get a dog. This, this was a huge thing for me and my husband was totally against having a dog. Um, so part of my manifestation or for that was you know how am I going to convince my husband that we're going to get a dog? Because I was determined that we were, and we did, actually within six months of me having written it down. And who loves the dog more than anybody now?

Speaker 1: 40:35

your husband, I bet yes, exactly, so it is you. You can make these things happen. But I totally agree with you that the paperwork, the financial stuff, if we haven't taken control of that and dealt with it, it is playing in our subconscious and it's stopping us from having this easy feeling in our bodies, which is so, so important in order that we can enjoy everything else yeah, 100, yes, yeah, and it is.

Speaker 2: 41:06

You've just broken down, you that phrase, chunking it down like sort out pension. Well, you've just named three steps of doing it. You know, um the washing, doing the washing. I used to think that I had to put it in the washing machine, hang it up, have it dried and folded and back in the cupboards. And that was doing the washing. Yeah, but actually now I'm like, wow, that doesn't actually happen very easily all in one day living in the UK, definitely not. You know the rain and everything, um, so, what? So I've broken it down into manageable jobs. So it's okay, put the washing in the machine and hang it up, that's one job. Um, and then, you know, fold the washing up and put it in the basket, that's another job. And then another day I might put it away from the basket.

Speaker 1: 41:50

So it's just little tips like that to help you manage your load, definitely, and also doing something that you enjoy doing while you're doing these jobs that you don't particularly enjoy. So I always have podcast in my ears while I'm I'm doing things around the house, because I love listening to podcasts and I want to have a bit of me time while I'm doing these things that I don't particularly love. I'm not a big cleaner, really don't like cleaning, and we have five toilets in our house so I have quite a bit of cleaning to do. So it's like, oh, I get to listen to my podcast, very exciting and off I go cleaning five toilets.

Speaker 2: 42:33

So you have to find ways to make these things more fun and accessible for you definitely, and I think, going back to the cleaner um example as well, I need to find a cleaner. I decided I used to have a cleaner when I lived in Dorset and my husband was very much, but we can't afford a cleaner. And I said, yeah, but the thing is I'm spending. I was working Saturdays and then I was spending my Sunday mornings cleaning. And I said, yeah, but the thing is I'm spending. I was working Saturdays and then I was spending my Sunday mornings cleaning, and I was working in the week as well, and evenings sometimes too. So I was working a lot, um and um. I said, no, we're gonna get a cleaner because it's just gonna take. I'm not meant to be doing the cleaning here.

Speaker 2: 43:11

I think of how much time we can free up as a family to spend family time together. If I've got, if we've got, a cleaner, um, and actually the reality was that it took so much weight off my shoulders it became like just a, you know, an expense that I was used to paying. It's fine and and. But it meant she was cleaning while I was working, which meant that I was actually having more working time to um, to build my business, to, you know, work with clients, everything, and and she was doing the cleaning, taking that stress off me, and so what I was actually paying her. I was earning more than that anyway and it was just honestly it was worth she. I called her my angel, yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:51

No it's actually it was on my list for this January was at some point this year to look into getting a cleaner, for the same reason that you've just said. But what I did do a couple of years ago was invested love them, love them, love them in robot vacuums. So, because we have a dog and two cats and there's just hair everywhere, it's horrendous. You have to hoover every day and we have um, we have white tiled floors on the whole of the ground floor, so you see everything and I don't love cleaning, but I do like my floors to look clean. If randomly comes by, I don't need it to look like I've got a carpet of dog hair on it, and these things have been a lifesaver because I set them going and then I go into my office and I can work and when I come out, the hoovering's done, the vacuuming's done. So, um, you do. You have to find ways of uh, of mitigating the things that take you the time yeah, definitely carpets and floors as well if you've got a dirty floor.

Speaker 2: 44:57

If the whole house feels yes, exactly yeah, I don't.

Speaker 1: 45:01

I don't do the dusting around, just the floors are clean, um, okay, so I talk a lot about how we need to let go of perfectionism, that, especially with our homes, we're all really guilty of measuring ourselves up against these Instagram perfect pictures that we see and this just isn't the reality. So can you give us some tips on how we can let go of guilt or perfectionism?

Speaker 2: 45:28

Well, the first thing that came to mind. There was an Instagram post. I saw actually a real. If I give a visual, it might actually help. So there was a mum at a swimming pool matching swimsuits with her and her daughter and she was sat there in this video on her phone the whole time her kid was swimming in the pool. There's this other mum who's looking at this, this pristine mum with a matching bathing suits and everything, and thinking, oh gosh, you know I feel really frumpy and, you know, inadequate, whatever, but she got in the pool with her kids. They had amazing time splashing around. It's like which mum would you rather be? Yeah, now I know which mum I'd rather be. I'd much rather be that mum who doesn't necessarily look like pristine all the time, you know, and whatever. Um, but having fun, having fun with my kids, because they'll remember that that poor little girl in the swimming pool. She's not going to remember having fun time with their mum. She's going to remember a fun sat on the phone all the time. So that that was a really lovely image for me to see, um, so hopefully that's helped help your listeners as well get out of the idea that we need to be perfect.

Speaker 2: 46:42

I am very much about pushing the boundaries and what I can get away with, um, with, you know, perfection, I I used to be perfectionist. I used to have to make my bed every morning. The pajamas had to be folded under the pillow, the dressing gown had to be hung up. You know, all the beds had to be made before school and I'm just like, well, why, why, like it will be done, but does it have to be done right now when there's other things that are more pressing? You know, more of a priority, more important, like going to sit down with my kids to have breakfast so we can have a chat at the breakfast table I started looking at like, rather than having a daily to-do list and not achieving it, and then feeling like I was failing and nothing was perfect at the end of the day, I started having a weekly to-do list and then, and then, if, if it wasn't done in the week and that's fine I could just like pop it over to the other one, because it didn't feel quite so big to put it to the next week for some reason.

Speaker 2: 47:41

Um, so, these small, little, subtle psychological shifts that really help, um, and I started looking a lot at, well, what have I achieved? And have I done it perfectly well? Probably not, but sometimes it's better done than perfect, like, um, okay, my kids just put on a jumper for school and they they've dropped toothpaste down it. Well, rather than freak out, I'd just be like, okay, well, let's get a wet wipe or a flannel and just wipe that up. You don't, there's no need to have washed the whole jumper and whatever, whereas I would have put him in a new jumper and sent him. Um, so yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:22

So I started looking at the things I had achieved and the fact that actually I'd done a lot and okay, so it wasn't necessarily, but that's okay because I'd fed my kids, I'd brought them to school, I'd managed to have a coffee in the garden, I'd caught up with a friend and this was before nine o'clock in the morning, kind of thing. You know. I really advocate what feels good to you is how you should live your life, and you should not worry about what other people think. But that's a big one to work on as well. Um, and one that takes time, yeah, but in time, you don't care what people think yeah, I know, I totally agree.

Speaker 1: 49:02

There was actually an article published last week about me and my work life and my family on the KonMari website and they'd asked me quite a lot of questions about you know how I juggle working and family and all the rest of it. And I said you just need to let go of the perfectionism. I used to worry if people were coming over, that everything had to be tidy and perfect and that I had to have baked a cake, and you know all this sort of stuff. No, I'm going to go out and buy a cake now. I, you know. If I have the time, of course I'll bake something, but if it's going to cause me extra stress and pressure, I'm not going to worry whether they think, oh, she's gone out and bought a cake for us coming. Couldn't she have been bothered to make one? So I've really let go of that sort of side of things.

Speaker 1: 49:52

And you know, if the home isn't looking perfect, I do like my floors vacuumed. That is one thing that I. I do that every day anyway. So basically, anyone can walk in and if there's things lying around, they're lying around. We live there. We're not going to put everything away immediately after we use it. That, like. My brain doesn't work like that, which is why I now have a 10 minute every day tidy up, put everything back that I've left lying around, because that's just what's happened during the day in my house. So you have got to just embrace what you feel comfortable doing and what's good for you and your family and just go with it and blow what anyone else thinks absolutely yeah, 100% agree oh, this is.

Speaker 1: 50:34

This has been an absolute joy talking about this, michelle, I think I'm gonna have to get you into my membership as well, giving a workshop or something that would be really fun. They would love that. So thank you so much for your time. Where can people find out more about you and how they can work with you?

Speaker 2: 50:55

Hey, well, yeah, I've enjoyed it too. It's been brilliant, Thank you. So I'm on Instagram and Facebook and I've also got a YouTube channel, so I'm. My handle is at michelleakester, which is A-K-E-S-T r s? H? Um, so you can find me. Find me there, um, I've also got my unshakable mama. It's a mindful journey to abundance and freedom. It's an eight week mindfulness, mindset, manifestation tools, right practices, um. My next program is launching on the 17th of june. Uh, well, starting on the 17th of june, um, and then it will actually be on an evergreen as well. So you, after that, this next round, you'll be able to to join whenever, um, but the price will be going up after the next. The next one, um, yeah, so I can.

Speaker 1: 51:55

I put my my uh website in the show notes as well yes, absolutely, I'll put all those links in the show notes and then people can can find you wherever they want to find you. That's amazing. Well, thank you again, michelle, for your time. I wish you a wonderful rest of your day and I hope to connect with you again very soon. Yeah, thank you so much. You a wonderful rest of your day and I hope to connect with you again very soon.

Speaker 2: 52:15

Yeah, thank you so much. Have a wonderful day, caroline. Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1: 52:19

Now, that was such a wonderful conversation. Michelle was one of those people that I could have sat and talked to for hours. Our conversation was actually much longer. I had to edit out some parts to get it under an hour, which you probably will be happy to hear. As always, all links mentioned in this episode you can find in the show notes. I will be back next week with a shorter episode that has been inspired by a conversation in Clutterfree Collective. Want to know what they've been chatting about? You'll have to tune in to find out Until next time. You'll have to tune in to find out Until next time. If you've enjoyed this episode, please send the link to a friend you know would appreciate it, subscribe and leave a review. I look forward to bringing you more organising tips next time, but if you can't wait until then, you can go to my website or find me on Instagram, at carothor, or on Facebook at Caroline Organiser. Thanks for listening and I look forward to guiding you on your journey to find your clutter-free ever after.